Starting out

Just sharing my thoughts, my questions, my confusions,

hoping I can help someone out there,

trying my best to remain positive and wishing someone would help when I spiral into negativity.

Just sharing my thoughts, my questions, my confusions,

hoping I can help someone out there,

trying my best to remain positive and wishing someone would help when I spiral into negativity.

I hope you like what I write~

Contact me: horriblehuman101@gmail.com

Understand yourself

Thoughts that cannot be controlled, those pesky things that flood your mind, giving you no choice at all. I’ve learned to tune some out but sometimes, they get to you. Sometimes, it feels like the never-ending abyss that is your brain, is out to get you. You can’t listen to every thought in your brain, I doubt it is possible. But does everyone feel this way? …

Thoughts that cannot be controlled, those pesky things that flood your mind, giving you no choice at all. I’ve learned to tune some out but sometimes, they get to you. Sometimes, it feels like the never-ending abyss that is your brain, is out to get you. You can’t listen to every thought in your brain, I doubt it is possible. But does everyone feel this way? Is it always like this? To think and think and think with no ending in sight? So many questions, so many ideas, solutions, phrases, the most random things, all going through your mind at once. What do you focus on? How do you focus? How do you pay attention to one thing amidst all others for extended periods of time? I try but then, it feels like I can’t, although again, my brain convinces me that nothing is impossible, thus, I try again. It’s a never-ending cycle. However, I like it, I like my brain, I like the way it thinks, I’m grateful to be the person that I am. Even though I just think myself in circles sometimes, it feels good to be able to think, to be able to imagine, it makes me feel alive. My thought processes are something I rarely share, not because I don’t want to but because, I wasn’t formed that way, I’ve learnt to keep things to myself, regardless of how harmful it may be, I will keep to myself as much as I can. I will not share the things that flood my mind, it is not what I am used to doing and habits are hard to break, especially, when it’s a choice you’re not willing to make. But you see this post? See how it jumps from one topic to another? Sometimes, relating back, but most of the time, not making sense? That is my mind, it’s how I think, it’s rarely understood but when you find someone that does, it makes it all okay. So here I am, telling you that’s it’s okay to think the way you do, learn to accept yourself, it’s the only way.

Trying to make yourself better only works when you understand what you already are, so accept yourself, learn and move on.

Contact: humansarehorrible@gmail.com

Live and Let Live

Don’t force your opinions on anyone else. It’s a lesson I’ve learnt over time, don’t give your opinion unless asked for it. At the end of the day, no one actually cares what you say and you have no right to cast judgement, or to tell people what to think, do or say. You have a right to your own opinion, you have the right to live your life the way that you want to, you have the right to say whatever you want and do whatever you want as long as you cause others no harm because your life is your own and you’ve got all rights to it.

 

live-and-let-live

Don’t force your opinions on anyone else. It’s a lesson I’ve learnt over time, don’t give your opinion unless asked for it. At the end of the day, no one actually cares what you say and you have no right to cast judgement, or to tell people what to think, do or say. You have a right to your own opinion, you have the right to live your life the way that you want to, you have the right to say whatever you want and do whatever you want as long as you cause others no harm because your life is your own and you’ve got all rights to it.

Something you can’t control and have no right to? Someone else’s life, their thoughts, opinions, actions, all of this is in their control, it’s their choice and you have no right to try and change any of it.

One of the most common mistakes we make as human beings is thinking that we can control someone else’s life. Unless we are asked for our advice or thoughts/opinions, it makes no sense to give it because it creates animosity. Not everyone has the patience to listen to your bullshit. You might not want to, but you sometimes have to consider that other people are humans too, they think in their own way and trying to change that is something that should never be done.

I hold my own opinions, I will listen and consider but I might not change.

I might sometimes tell people my opinions even though they have not asked but if I go back and consider, I will make sure to remind myself to never try and convince anybody else to think the way I do.

What I’m trying to say is, everyone has the right to hold their opinions and nobody has any right to change that. We all have brains that we can use to think for ourselves.

As humans, we all try to change things if we think they are going wrong, but at the end of it, the best way to change things? Start with yourself, work on you, make yourself the best version of you, lead by example. The only way people will learn from you is if they see something worth believing in.

So, this is me, throwing out my opinion into the world amongst many others, reading or not, is your choice, keeping an open mind, also your choice, wanting to relieve myself of my thoughts? My choice.

 

Make your own choices but also know that you have to let me make my own.

Realisations

Stressing and worrying may be worth nothing in the end but it’s not that easy to stop, it’s not easy to convince your mind to not overthink itself into a dilemma, I can’t just shut it off or make it go blank, my thought processes cannot be stopped. Yet, sometimes, a lot more nowadays, I’m realising that more than anything, I live a blessed life, and I don’t need to worry about many aspects of it. Recently, I’ve seen people close to me experience a lot more, not understanding how people could be so hurtful, so cold hearted and seeing others just dealing with all of this, dealing with health issues with no one to care for them, dealing with having no family even after having one, feeling upset while no one understands how you feel but then I see humanity and unity and it makes everything right again, I see that they won’t end up having to deal with everything themselves, it makes me happy. What makes me happiest though, is knowing that I played a part in that happiness. Through all of this, I think and think and think and the one realisation I’ve come to? I’m grateful for my life and my family, I’m grateful for all the things and people in my life because without them, I may not have survived and I may not be the person I am today. Even those that hurt me, I credit them because they’ve taught me things and I’ve learnt a lesson so here is me realising that my problems aren’t the worst out there so yes, I’m still allowed to whine and complain every now and then but at the end of the day, I am going to be grateful that I only deal with this much and not more.

Let us all think about all the happiness and blessings in our lives, even the little things 💕

Gratefulness & Positivity

I’m starting to understand that there is a life plan for everyone, yes, we go through really bad times sometimes. It feels like you might not make it through. That feeling of wondering why this is happening to you, am I really such a bad person? What have I done to deserve this? Is this karma? Is God punishing me?

I’ve turned 19 today and the most important thing I’ve learnt up till this point? Be grateful, to your parents, friends, family, all the people in your life but mostly, to God. I’m starting to understand that there is a life plan for everyone, yes, we go through really bad times sometimes. It feels like you might not make it through. That feeling of wondering why this is happening to you, am I really such a bad person? What have I done to deserve this? Is this karma? Is God punishing me? We all feel that way sometimes but as long as those harsh times taught you some harsh lessons, it’s okay because yes, it may not be the best time to look back on but it’s a time that taught you something, it’s a time that built up a part of who you are right now. Your past may not represent you but it has helped make you the person you are right now. Things you look back on as mistakes, as wrong choices, hurtful words, regrets, all of this has built you into the wonderful person that you are right now, all of this is leading somewhere. So, today, I have decided that I’m allowed to feel whatever I’m feeling,

Whether that is to be; sad, upset, angry, jealous, pissed off, desperate, desolate, hurt, mad, lonely, suffocated, torn apart;

Or whether it’s feeling; happy, joyful, elated, thankful, excited, wonderful,trusting, hopeful, satisfied, safe, comfortable, contented;

I will always, always remain grateful for the life I’ve been given because life always has ups and downs but nothing that we can’t handle, each person has problems, but your inner strength is always strong enough to destroy your problems. So think about all the things you have to be grateful for, no matter how little, because in the end, life is worth it.

Here’s to hoping for a great future for every single one of us 💕

Loneliness~

There’s no one I’d trust enough to speak to, no one I’d trust with my vulnerability, no one I’d feel comfortable shedding tears around so I continue, speaking to myself even though it gets me nowhere, conversing with myself because I know there’s no one else.

I feel like I can’t talk to anyone anymore, so many things to say but they all just stay inside my head.

So many conversations, so many scenarios and so many what ifs but none of them enter the realm of reality, all of them get buried, deep in the recesses of my mind.

There’s no one I’d trust enough to speak to, no one I’d trust with my vulnerability, no one I’d feel comfortable shedding tears around so I continue, speaking to myself even though it gets me nowhere, conversing with myself because I know there’s no one else.

I have a great family but I’d never want to stress them or show them I’m unhappy so I continue keeping to myself.

It’s lonely and hurtful but I’m the only one that feels the pain, because there’s no one to speak to and no one to understand.

My one true escape 

Sleep is my escape, it’s the one thing I resort to doing when I feel like doing nothing else, it’s the one thing that calms me when nothing else can. The one place I can escape to is my sleep, even if I’m plagued with nightmares, I’d rather sleep because that is the one time I can avoid reality, the one time no human interaction is required.

Sleep is my escape, it’s the one thing I resort to doing when I feel like doing nothing else, it’s the one thing that calms me when nothing else can. The one place I can escape to is my sleep, even if I’m plagued with nightmares, I’d rather sleep because that is the one time I can avoid reality, the one time no human interaction is required. And those cherished moments when my cat joins me? Sleep becomes even more precious. Yet, sometimes sleep evades me but I know in my mind that laying in bed will suffice because I cocoon myself away from the world and sleep? That oh so wonderful thing, will always be my escape.

It may not be productive but on those days where I feel like doing nothing, don’t want to talk to anyone, where social interactions are an exhausting task, where having to stay out of bed feels like torture, where all I want to do is curl up and cry about all the thoughts that don’t leave my head? On the days where I’m miserable, where no one and nothing can convince me to be happy or to even pretend. Those are the days that I spend all day in bed, the days where being productive doesn’t matter, the only thing that does matter, is sleep. My sweet escape~

Contact me: horriblehuman101@gmail.com

I Am Strong

I have flaws and I accept them, I don’t need to change myself but I have the determination to be able to if I want to. I am strong because I am grateful for my life. I may not be “normal” but it’s because I choose to not hide, to not pretend, because I understand that society only has the power to affect those that give them that power, I am strong because I can be myself without worrying about judgements.

I am strong because I accept myself, because I am self aware, because I understand myself, because I can support myself (atleast mentally 😂).

I have flaws and I accept them, I don’t need to change myself but I have the determination to be able to if I want to. I am strong because I am grateful for my life. I may not be “normal” but it’s because I choose to not hide, to not pretend, because I understand that society only has the power to affect those that give them that power, I am strong because I can be myself without worrying about judgements.

I am strong because I am me. I may not be comfortable talking about myself, I may not be comfortable with affection, I may take time to adjust to people, places and situations.

I may not always be happy, I might be miserable on days, I might have trouble talking about my past, I may not have the ability to share what’s on my mind, I might be bad at communication, I may not be social, but I am who I am and I accept that.

I am strong and I am grateful for my strength.